How to Overcome Insecurity When Courting Or Being Courted

By Sean Si

It happens in any relationship right? Insecurity can take over and then trust begins to lose it's grip. Ever happened to you before? Thought so. Just how do you overcome insecurity when you're courting someone or when you're being courted?

Develop yourself

In order to battle the lies of insecurity, you have to develop yourself. You have to know that you are able to handle a relationship not just in the mind but in your heart and attitude, in your finances, in your physical fitness, in every aspect of your life! When you have developed yourself as a person, (and I should say, as a Christian - in your relationship with God) then there can be no more room for the lies of insecurity to take over your mind.

I'm going to be blunt and painfully honest with you. Just think for a second: Would you be insecure with other guys who are courting her when you know you're the better choice? I rest my case. Likewise with girls, would you be insecure with other girls around him when you know that you're the better option?

And when you've been overlooked, would you have any regrets knowing that you're the best you can be? All you can do is make the other person realize that you were the best of yourself during the time. Make sure that it won't be your loss when you're not the one chosen. After all, it's God who will do the matchmaking but it's you who will have the choice to make about who would have lost more between you and the other person.

Affirm yourself with the truth

Often we look for affirmation from people - which is important but we also have to look for our affirmation from ourselves and from God. Know the truth because the truth will affirm you. You have to immerse yourself with His word - that you are His child and that He will help you grow if only you depend on Him and focus on Him. You can only get your real affirmation from God. People's affirmation come and go, they say yes and no and often times we're left confused. Affirmation from ourselves can vary and be influenced by what people say and by what you're going through in life. But God's affirmation will ALWAYS REMAIN THE SAME.

God will tell you how much you're worth in His eyes. And it is important to know that before you start a relationship with anyone else -especially a romantic relationship with the opposite sex.

Don't look at your status with the other person

There will always be times when we ask the other person what our status is. Are we on the same page? Are we scoring more points than the other competitors? But that's not the point! Don't look at your status with the other person because in the end, it won't really matter! Look at your status with God.

What does God say about you? Are you good to go? How do we know our status with God? Through His word. It's all laid out there - you just have to read it. Pursuing someone (I'm talking from a guy's point of view because hey, I'm a guy) isn't about the score - it's about relationship. And if your relationship with God - who is all-loving is not good, how much more do you think can you fare with a finite person who's ability to love is limited by his or her humanity?

Looking at the score can only make you proud or make you miserable. Focus on your relationship with God and you'll know if you are well-worth it and if you're ready for a relationship.

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Courtship Tips For Women

Courtshipping is different then dating. Courting is more like being friends without the emotional or sexual involvement. If this sounds like something you would be interested in then read on for some great courtship tips. "To court" actually prepares people for a healthy relationship/marriage, while dating subconsciously prepares people for a relationship/marriage without respect and commitment. Why is that? Let's find out.

Get To Know Him Based On Respect

The word "courting" can be labeled as dating by society, but we cannot compare apples with oranges - they are two different things. Sex is almost always a given in a dating relationship. In a dating relationship you may not really know the man you are with. He may seem evasive and not like to talk about himself. That is a red flag of dating. You may never meet his parents before the relationship crumbles? He may not care to meet your parents. All you know about him is what he has told you. He most likely has dated and had sex with several other women before you. Who knows if he has a venereal disease, AIDS, HIV - who knows.

Courtshipping is getting to know each other through respect of each other. Sex is never an issue and should never be. It is regarding yourself with respect and regarding him with respect. The minute you become trapped in the sexual schemes of dating you have lost the battle with self-respect and you will get hurt. That is what dating is - love them and dump them.But usually with dating there is really no love involved.

Who is this guy who suddenly shows up in your life? Is he considerate of your feelings or does he seem selfish and egotistical - only out for one thing? A man who genuinely likes you will behave respectful. He will respect you for who you are, not for what you can do for him or what he can receive from you.

Let Him Get To Know You Based On Respect

Be honest about who you are, right from the start. Don't beat around the bush, letting him think you will have sex with him. Let him know right off the bat that no sex is one of your boundaries and you will not give in. If he walks away, great. If he decides to stay for the ride, that's great too, but certainly doesn't mean he is a good guy. Tread lightly by only being friends.

It's ok to talk about yourself and your likes and dislikes. Talk about what you feel comfortable about divulging, but do not play on his ego and give him any private information that will involve the two of you emotionally. Don't let him be the savior/hero who comes into to rescue you from something going on in your life. Don't get personal with him about your problems or family...until you can see that he can be trusted. Some things are left unsaid until the relationship evolves from just friends to trusted friends.

Don't Give In Sexually

If a man really, really cares for you and is serious about you as a possible marriage prospect he will respect your boundaries and not ask you for sex. So don't ever put yourself in a situation where either one of you will become tempted and give in - because that could ruin the relationship. This means that you should probably never go out alone together but always bring a sister, brother, mother, or another friend or couple to come a long with you. This is preferable and practical in a courting relationship.

Temptation can be hard to overcome, especially if we tell ourselves there is really nothing wrong with having sex with someone we have known for months. If you break the courtship rules and have sex it will change the relationship immensely. It will change your attitude towards one another - it will begin to cause numerous problems within the purity of the relationship that could harm it considerably. Jealousy, suspicion, control, resentment, and all kinds of negative emotions begin to play out because now you are just dating. That's what dating is.

Don't Get Emotionally Involved

The minute you allow your emotions to rule a relationship you're now dating. Dating is a negative sexual agenda that almost always ends negatively, even if you happen to get married. Couples who have dated many partners before marriage aren't prepared for marriage because they really do not understand the difference between dating and marriage. Courtshipping is about respect and commitment, and getting to know someone better for the prospect of a possible marriage partner. It is not to see what you can get from a relationship, but rather what the relationship can become.

Angie Lewis has written five books on how to have a happy marriage. In her books she offers marriage tips, tools, techniques, and wisdom filled answers for you to apply in your marriage. From issues such as adultery, addiction, pornography, emotions, beliefs, forgiveness, communication and submission - it's all here!

For more information about this book and marriage books, please visit: http://www.heavenministries.com

To see book previews, please visit: http://stores.lulu.com/angielewis

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The Top 10 Ways to Keep Passion in Your Relationship

All long-term relationships go through a variety of phases. There is the initial dating and courtship and infatuation period. If the relationship continues, it settles into a more stable time of building a history as a couple. If children enter the picture, that is a new phase. Later, there is another phase of being together as a mature couple with the wisdom of experience.

We all know that it is possible to keep passion, romance, excitement and sexual intensity alive through the years, but we also know that many relationships settle into a kind of friendly (or not so friendly) roommate situation. Every relationship has it's ups and downs, but there are tools that can keep passion perking right along. Here are 10 of them:

1. Be kind. I'm writing this on a cruise ship and it's fascinating to watch people grouch at their spouses, then turn around and share a friendly smile with a stranger. We tend to take family and best friends for granted. A smile, a wink, just a moment of kindness goes a long way.

2. Be attentive. Paying attention to the details of life is important. Pick up your own trash, and pick up for each other. Put things away, help each other with the small projects around the house. These things are the currency of love.

3. Be gracious. Small surprises can create huge rewards in a relationship. I think of it as the "Martha Stewart Effect". Taking a moment to put on a clean shirt before dinner, or using the good china, or cutting a flower from the garden and putting it on the table, are examples. All these things add color, spice, and graciousness to our lives.

4. Be patient. We all have bad days. It happens. When it happens to your spouse, be smart! Take the kids to the park for an hour, order Chinese take-out for dinner. Give him/her a break! This is the reality of life. Allow for it.

5. Be honest. Tell the truth about your feelings, and do it promptly and in a respectful, effective way. Share your disappointments and fears, but also share dreams, hopes, and gratitudes. Keeping secrets kills passion.

6. Be funny! Life seems to have supply its own stress and worry, but we have to provide the humor on our own. Share a joke, take time to tickle each other or rent a funny movie, and do it often. The couple that laughs together, often does other fun stuff together, too!

7. Be flexible. Over a lifetime, people change. Hopefully, your relationship will change and grow and mature with as you change. One of you will change careers, the other will change religions. One will have an illness, the other will make a mistake. Relationships either bend and flex with the winds of life, or they break.

8. Be generous. I've saved the best for last. After a survey of dozens of couples, the big 3 items that showed up over and over began with "give little gifts". Surprise each other with flowers, candy, a card, or other gift. Do it often. Do it for no particular reason. Do it because you love each other and thought it would be nice to show it with a gift.

9. Be available. The second of the "big 3" was "take time for each other". Schedule time to walk and talk, go for drives in the country, go to dinner and see a movie together. Dozens of couples ranked time together as the most critical component in keeping romance and passion alive.

10. Be physical. This is about sensuality perhaps more than sexuality. Couples talked about the importance of scents, of candles and flowers and walks on the beach. They talked about making love, but mostly they talked about back rubs and holding hands, and creating memories. They talked about getting dressed up and going out, and they talked about skinny-dipping. They talked about being playful and finding their own way. You can do this!

Someone has said, "Life is what happens while you were making other plans." Romance is about real life, not about dreams and fantasies of the perfect partner, someday on a Pacific island. Romance and passion are about taking time to enjoy the company of the person you love. Have fun. Do it today!

© Copyright 2003 by Philip E. Humbert. All Rights Reserved. This article may be copied and used in your own newsletter or on your website as long as you include the following information: "Written by Dr. Philip E. Humbert, writer, speaker and success coach. Dr. Humbert has over 300 free articles, tools and resources for your success, including a great newsletter! It's all on his website at: http://www.philiphumbert.com

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10 Tips to Resolving Problems That Can Turn a Good Relationship Into a Perfect Marriage

If you think about it, there is nothing more romantic stopping to deal with problems as you encounter them. (Ok, unless you're in public!) Not letting problems simmer until they explode makes dealing with issues a small, matter of fact thing. Taking the tension out of dealing with the problems that every couple will encounter.

What's the easiest way to deal with some of this head on? How to work it so that it doesn't interrupt the relationship, but just changes the rhythm for a while?

Commit, in your wedding ceremony, in your wedding vows and in your lives together,

1. To resolve problems amicably and creatively. (And when it isn't that way, you need to
2. To be honest with ourselves and our partners. (Caveat: avoid gratuitous honesty - why actually you DO look heavy in that or foolish with your comb-over.
3. To speak respectfully to one another. (Fighting fairly is an art.)
4. To be curious about the differences rather than defensive. (Your differences are what attracts you, this is just more of the same, except they step on our insecurity corns.)
5. To be constant in love even when one or both of you are acting in a not-so-loveable fashion. (Forever after, folks)
6. To understand that problems scare us, but that history shows us that we weather them. (When we love one another, we get through things.
7. To create a template that allows you to work things through. (and to have a plan b to go to when it doesn't. Shrinks are like car mechanics, go ahead, take your relationship in for a tune-up)
8. To admit when mistaken and apologize when hurtful. (But no apologizing just to get things over with. You have to make meaningful apologies and understand the faux pas!)
9. To be forgiving. (Forgiveness is what leads to those fun making-up periods. And understand that it make take a bit of room to relax into forgiveness.)
10. To keep your disputes about your relationship in your relationship. (Unless of course, you are being threatened by the disputes. Then you need to leave and seek shelter.)

Relationships are a lot like school. If you do your homework as things go along, you don't wind up with a back-log and you're ready when the big tests arrive. And there will be tests. The nature of life is that things happen. But if you're dealing with the problems as they come along, you're prepared to deal with the big issues when they hit. Make problem resolution a part of your wedding vows. Keep those promises and you'll have a wonderful marriage.

Bottom Line?: Give your relationship the chance it deserves to succeed wildly, against all odds! After all, you deserve it. Your relationship deserves it! And now I'd like to invite you to sign up to receive 2 free templates for creating the wedding ceremony of your dreams, the wedding vows of your heart and the marriage of a lifetime: http://annkeelerevans.org/weddings/free

The Rev. Ann Keeler Evans - helping you move from "I do" to happily and healthily ever after!

"Nice!"

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Top Ten Courting Tips

Hi! I’m going to share with you some of the well known courting tips
Some might agree others might not, but I suggest just go over these tips and who knows you might learn a thing or two.

1. Make an Impression
Making an impression means not showing your interested the first time you meet the person. Most of the time when a guy meets a gal of his dreams, they immediately give in and show signs of affection. Sometimes it pays to hold back what you are feeling and be a little bit mysterious.

2. Presence
Presence! Presence! Presence! I can’t emphasize it more. Just make sure that the girl you’re courting knows that you’re always there for her. You can do this by: (a) giving her a ride home, (b) talking to her at least once a day, the more you talk the better your chances are, (c) text her, just make sure that you ask open ended questions, those that are not answerable by simply a yes, no, alrighty , or K.

3. Listen Well and Listen Good
This is really important. It is by listening that you’ll get the juiciest information you’ll ever need. It is where you’ll learn her likes and dislikes, hobbies and interests, what makes her happy or sad, and it is by knowing these miniscule details that your courting becomes a success. Most of us overlook this and fall short of expectation.

4. Be Creative
Be creative in your own little way. For example if all of her suitors are bringing her expensive gifts, dozens of flowers and imported chocolates, offer her something different like a simple choc nut plus your time, effort, thoughtfulness and a whole lot more.

5. Be Friendly, Befriend Everybody
When you’re courting someone, you’re not only courting one person you should also consider everybody around her like her friends, officemates, family members and especially her best friend. These people are important to her. They have great influence over her. By being close to them and letting them know more about you, you can get the assurance that will nod in your favor.

6. Make her Laugh
Humor “breaks the ice” and can help you get to know each other more easily. In making her laugh, proceed with caution. Don’t tell jokes that are offensive or engage in topics that can make her feel offended.

7. Never say “Can I court you?” This is a big no-no. It takes away the mystery and the thrill of courtship. You’ll immediately lose 50% of your chances. Look here’s the thing, if a girl likes you it’s fine and she might say “yes”, but what if she doesn’t that’s when you lose your chances.

8. Be Honest and Sincere
Be honest to yourself don’t be someone you are not, just be yourself. Next is being sincere with your intentions. By combining these two qualities you’ll never go wrong especially when you’re already proposing.

9. Timing is Everything
During courting, knowing when to do things is very critical. It is very important, from a simple knowing when to throw a joke to a more difficult planning when to propose. Knowing when the time is right is a personal decision. This is done after assessing yourself and the girl you’re courting. You’ll surely know it if the right moment comes. You just have to trust your instincts.

10. Patience is a virtue
Being patient is one quality that is taken for granted nowadays. In courting, patience is always the name of the game, which is why the courting phase and usually stretch from weeks or even months. Take your time, there are no shortcuts. All good things come for those who wait.

There you have it. I hope you enjoyed reading.
Always live a marvelous life!